Depression

I'm so freaking depressed lately and it's getting on my nerves. I feel so lost and I'm just not sure what to do next. Usually, I have my faith to lean on, but I'm struggling with that right now, too. Yes, I still believe, but I also feel myself questioning the Bible, the church, the pastors in the church, everything. I was doing pretty well when I was in my faith alone, but since I joined a new church, it's been difficult. Because of that, I haven't been back to the church in about a month. Maybe this is the time I'm supposed to be moving ahead in my faith and not looking to go back to where I was; I knew who the hell I was and had complete faith back then, so it's where I want to go again. Gr.

Of course, there are a lot of other things going on, too, and they're also part of my depression. I just want to scream or something. I've realized lately that my trust issues are a LOT larger than even I had admitted. I thought I was working my way towards trust, but I find I'm more mistrustful and want to run away when someone gets anywhere near that brick wall I put up. Fuck.

I'm just frustrated, I guess, and tired of having to always "work on" my own issues. I would love to have a normal life, but I don't know what that is and maybe I already am and just don't know it. Oh well.