My new friend

I met, what seemed like, a really nice guy. He is nice, but I also found out that he's still married... separated, but married. The problem I have with it is that I did ask him directly if he was married, dating, in a relationship, kinda-sorta seeing someone, or any combination of those scenarios, but he said no. So, he lied. If he had told the truth and explained the circumstance behind the separation, I may have given him a chance. But because he lied when asked straight out, I'm out.

It makes me sad because we really were so compatible, in so many ways. He really was a great guy, I just wish he wouldn't have lied to me.

What's funny is that I've met three guys since I broke up with Tom, and each one has been better than the last, with the latest being almost perfect. Maybe that means the next guy I meet will be "the one" for me. I prayed about it and hope that God answers my prayers pretty soon. I don't mind being alone, but I'd rather be with someone and share our lives, for the rest of our lives.

Anyway, that's what's up today. Later.

Depression

I'm so freaking depressed lately and it's getting on my nerves. I feel so lost and I'm just not sure what to do next. Usually, I have my faith to lean on, but I'm struggling with that right now, too. Yes, I still believe, but I also feel myself questioning the Bible, the church, the pastors in the church, everything. I was doing pretty well when I was in my faith alone, but since I joined a new church, it's been difficult. Because of that, I haven't been back to the church in about a month. Maybe this is the time I'm supposed to be moving ahead in my faith and not looking to go back to where I was; I knew who the hell I was and had complete faith back then, so it's where I want to go again. Gr.

Of course, there are a lot of other things going on, too, and they're also part of my depression. I just want to scream or something. I've realized lately that my trust issues are a LOT larger than even I had admitted. I thought I was working my way towards trust, but I find I'm more mistrustful and want to run away when someone gets anywhere near that brick wall I put up. Fuck.

I'm just frustrated, I guess, and tired of having to always "work on" my own issues. I would love to have a normal life, but I don't know what that is and maybe I already am and just don't know it. Oh well.

Trying to get this thing going

Lately, I've had some trouble figuring out what I want to say. There's so much in my head, but I'm reluctant to put it to paper. I'm of the belief that no one really cares, or that I'm too afraid to open that can of worms. It's probably the latter, I guess.

Life has been pretty difficult lately. Between the economy, my struggling business, my alcoholic brother, a non-existent love-life, and a slew of other problems, just getting through the day is like some sort of Olympic feat no one has dared try.

Typically, I have plenty to say and no problem saying it. This closed mouth thing is really starting to get on my nerves. Maybe I'll just come here each day and write something... anything, and see how that goes.

The first of many...

... let's get this party started!