It seems I have a million blogs, but not one of them is a place I go to just be me. Maybe that will change now. I guess I have to just do it and quit waiting for the perfect time, place, season, whatever.
Anyway, today I will vent a little. I'm super irritated with my living situation. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I have a place to live, VERY glad. I moved to Nashville about two months ago and am staying in the house with my daughter, her boyfriend, his mom, and her brother. We are a mixed bag of nuts, for sure. Everyone is nice, etc., but we all have our own problems, issues, personalities, etc., and sometimes they clash. It's nothing major, but some are more logical than others, or more positive, or more light-hearted, while others are none of those things. You can see where it might be an issue every so often.
I'm 48 years old and should be living on my own. I know it'll happen, but I'd like it to happen soon. I prayed about it a few weeks ago and thanked God today for hearing my prayer. I told Him that I have faith and patience and I will just wait. I also said that if there's something else I should be doing to move this along, to let me know. Anyway, so I'm just waiting and continuing daily to try to move forward.
It'll happen in God's time.
My new friend
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I met, what seemed like, a really nice guy. He is nice, but I also found out that he's still married... separated, but married. The problem I have with it is that I did ask him directly if he was married, dating, in a relationship, kinda-sorta seeing someone, or any combination of those scenarios, but he said no. So, he lied. If he had told the truth and explained the circumstance behind the separation, I may have given him a chance. But because he lied when asked straight out, I'm out.
It makes me sad because we really were so compatible, in so many ways. He really was a great guy, I just wish he wouldn't have lied to me.
What's funny is that I've met three guys since I broke up with Tom, and each one has been better than the last, with the latest being almost perfect. Maybe that means the next guy I meet will be "the one" for me. I prayed about it and hope that God answers my prayers pretty soon. I don't mind being alone, but I'd rather be with someone and share our lives, for the rest of our lives.
Anyway, that's what's up today. Later.
It makes me sad because we really were so compatible, in so many ways. He really was a great guy, I just wish he wouldn't have lied to me.
What's funny is that I've met three guys since I broke up with Tom, and each one has been better than the last, with the latest being almost perfect. Maybe that means the next guy I meet will be "the one" for me. I prayed about it and hope that God answers my prayers pretty soon. I don't mind being alone, but I'd rather be with someone and share our lives, for the rest of our lives.
Anyway, that's what's up today. Later.
Depression
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I'm so freaking depressed lately and it's getting on my nerves. I feel so lost and I'm just not sure what to do next. Usually, I have my faith to lean on, but I'm struggling with that right now, too. Yes, I still believe, but I also feel myself questioning the Bible, the church, the pastors in the church, everything. I was doing pretty well when I was in my faith alone, but since I joined a new church, it's been difficult. Because of that, I haven't been back to the church in about a month. Maybe this is the time I'm supposed to be moving ahead in my faith and not looking to go back to where I was; I knew who the hell I was and had complete faith back then, so it's where I want to go again. Gr.
Of course, there are a lot of other things going on, too, and they're also part of my depression. I just want to scream or something. I've realized lately that my trust issues are a LOT larger than even I had admitted. I thought I was working my way towards trust, but I find I'm more mistrustful and want to run away when someone gets anywhere near that brick wall I put up. Fuck.
I'm just frustrated, I guess, and tired of having to always "work on" my own issues. I would love to have a normal life, but I don't know what that is and maybe I already am and just don't know it. Oh well.
Of course, there are a lot of other things going on, too, and they're also part of my depression. I just want to scream or something. I've realized lately that my trust issues are a LOT larger than even I had admitted. I thought I was working my way towards trust, but I find I'm more mistrustful and want to run away when someone gets anywhere near that brick wall I put up. Fuck.
I'm just frustrated, I guess, and tired of having to always "work on" my own issues. I would love to have a normal life, but I don't know what that is and maybe I already am and just don't know it. Oh well.
Trying to get this thing going
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Lately, I've had some trouble figuring out what I want to say. There's so much in my head, but I'm reluctant to put it to paper. I'm of the belief that no one really cares, or that I'm too afraid to open that can of worms. It's probably the latter, I guess.
Life has been pretty difficult lately. Between the economy, my struggling business, my alcoholic brother, a non-existent love-life, and a slew of other problems, just getting through the day is like some sort of Olympic feat no one has dared try.
Typically, I have plenty to say and no problem saying it. This closed mouth thing is really starting to get on my nerves. Maybe I'll just come here each day and write something... anything, and see how that goes.
Life has been pretty difficult lately. Between the economy, my struggling business, my alcoholic brother, a non-existent love-life, and a slew of other problems, just getting through the day is like some sort of Olympic feat no one has dared try.
Typically, I have plenty to say and no problem saying it. This closed mouth thing is really starting to get on my nerves. Maybe I'll just come here each day and write something... anything, and see how that goes.
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